Fattie Network...

We help fat people get skinny and skinny people get fat.

TO GET FAT

Sit still in bed all day: this way you're not burning off any calories.

Eat more than three meals a day: three is average, more than three is...well...not.

Eat chocolate: relax, enjoy life. You're going to be fat so you might as well start treating yourself now.

TO GET SKINNY

Move around: nothing is more fun than burning off a few calories.

Go on a diet: there are many to choose from, such as the K.P.D. or the Ellie Elephant meat one.

Don't eat sugary foods: it's better for your teeth, too.